Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Five Worst Action Figures Ever

1. Wonder Woman (re-imagined version)

Question: What is stronger than a full grown woman with a lasso, headband and boots?
Answer: A woman with a lasso, headband, boots, and the combined strength of a grown woman and fetus.
Ladies and germs. Pregnant Wonder Woman!
It's so real


2. Gay Bob

Gay Bob - "Did sthomeone sthay gay!?"
Person - "No Bob, none of us said gay"
Gay Bob - "Are you sthure? I could have sthworn I heard sthomeone sthay gay."
Person - "Positive."
Gay Bob - "Well I'm here anyway."

Let me Introduce Gay Bob. He has a perm, a gold necklace, and he is very gay.


3. American Action Hero, Jesus


This is great because I'm sure America stands for everything Jesus preached about. You know helping your neighbor, giving to God, and HOLY SHIT! IS THAT A GRENADE?


4. G.I. Joe
This particular G.I. Joe was one of the first ones made. 

Wait a minute, he looks like someone I know....
OH YEAH! It's Billy Mays!

Where's your pal Anthony Sullivan? I heard he had an amazing deal for me. What? Too Soon?


5. Flash

The Flash is great. He's probably one of my favorites. But there is something crucial missing on this early Flash action figure. 

It's the mask.

Without a mask there is no way to conceal his secret identity. This puts some limits on the amount of crime fighting possible.

He can't fight crime in his own neighborhood, or anywhere that there are cameras. 

He has quite a bit of downtime.




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