How was work today at the place where you work Pt. 2

This is the second installment of a series  called, "How was work today at the place where you work?" The post immediately below this one explains it in much more detail, but in short I'm basically going to devote a post to helping you find out if your friends thinks you do some horrible job, that you do not do for a living. Each post will talk about one terrible job. This post is about the terrible profession of being a.....

2. Cop
Being a cop has to be terrible. The only worse thing than being a party-pooper, is taking a paycheck for being a party-pooper, and in sum that is exactly what a cop does. It's like breaking your arm on a playground so you can't play anymore. Then giving money to the equipment that you got injured on. Obviously it isn't their fault that everything fun, is also illegal (speeding, not paying for meals, peeing in public, etc). But their job is to keep people from doing these fun things. Then they punish them. Then they get paid. How do they sleep at night? I hope it's with a gun under their pillow. Police Officers are probably the most disappointed group of jabrones ever. They must have grown up watching movies that showed cops kicking doors in, getting in gun fights, and helicopter chases. And what do they get? They work their butts off in the academy to finally graduate and find themselves directing traffic or walking old ladies across the street. Next they find themselves waking up 30 years later doing the exact same thing, but now there's a f*cking mustache on their face! You don't want to be a cop, and you don't want your friends to think you're a cop. Here's how to know if they do.

Sign #1- Every time they go to do something crazy and wild and fun, they leave you out. Either they think you're a cop and they don't want to get arrested, or they just don't like you that much.

What should you do? - If that's the case then your only hope is to get accepted into the police academy, graduate, become a cop, and arrest their asses! Ooooo weeee! Revenge is sweet.

Sign #2 - When you're going hog wild on some really good food, and they use the expression, "HE'S EATING THAT FOOD LIKE IT'S A DONUT!" They probably think you're an officer of the law.

What should you do? - Well if they said that, and you like donuts. Maybe they have some. It's a long shot but they might. Then again, that's a really dumb connection to make. Find smarter friends.

How was work today at the place where you work? Pt. 1

According to the adults that I've asked, schooling nerds, blogging, and snapping necks whilst cashing checks, are not actual jobs. So technically I don't have a job, but I do have friends and it would kind of suck if they didn't know what I did for a job. If I had one. Here, I'm going to give a few jobs that you hopefully don't have, but your friends may think you have. In the words of Doyle Lonnegan, "Ya Folla?"

1. Prostitution (I'm sixteen so please excuse my lack of knowledge of the prostitution world, if you continually find your self correcting my vocab in your head you might be a dirty hooker. In that case I can't help you.... Dirty Hooker.)

I think we can all agree that being a prostitute is just about as bad as it can get. That line of business subjects you to STD's, aggressive strangers, and Patrick Bateman. Just looking at one of those prostitutes can give you herpes simplex one, two, and three. If your friends think you have sex for money it says a lot about how shady you and your friends are. But I'm willing to look past all of that to help you see the signs.
Sign #1. If you do one of those "one night stands" with one of your friends, and you wake up to find money on your dresser. Your little friend probably thinks your a hooker.

What should you do?- I think it would be rude NOT to take the money.

Sign #2. If the subject of prostitution comes up in conversation and your friends keep replacing whore, hooker, bimbo, ho, and skank with more gentle nouns, like escort or street professional. Then they give you some encouraging or reassuring look or maybe a gentle pat on the back. They think you're a dirty little prostitute.

What should you do?- Just talk about prostitutes in the most condescending way possible. This will help convince your friends that you are not one of those people. Boom! You and your little dirty prostitute body just fooled those idiots. Find smarter friends.

Inspired?

This post is sweet and simple and could cut to the core of any man. I'll be showing you pictures that appeared online after I searched "inspirational picture," then I will make some smart comment and you will laugh and tell your friends. Ok?

1.

"The poster's right guys, let's find a nice B&B and hunt Frodo in the morning."

Look at dem similarities!

2.

So everyone else knows NOT where to go, just in case the huge desert didn't tip them off already.

3.

Read more, be confused more.

4.

Ahh yes, oak, as in a f*cking ocean. Nice going dummy.

5.

This one helped me realize that I don't want Tom from myspace making my inspirational quotes. y@ d1g?!?!?!