How was work today at the place where you work? Pt. 1

According to the adults that I've asked, schooling nerds, blogging, and snapping necks whilst cashing checks, are not actual jobs. So technically I don't have a job, but I do have friends and it would kind of suck if they didn't know what I did for a job. If I had one. Here, I'm going to give a few jobs that you hopefully don't have, but your friends may think you have. In the words of Doyle Lonnegan, "Ya Folla?"

1. Prostitution (I'm sixteen so please excuse my lack of knowledge of the prostitution world, if you continually find your self correcting my vocab in your head you might be a dirty hooker. In that case I can't help you.... Dirty Hooker.)

I think we can all agree that being a prostitute is just about as bad as it can get. That line of business subjects you to STD's, aggressive strangers, and Patrick Bateman. Just looking at one of those prostitutes can give you herpes simplex one, two, and three. If your friends think you have sex for money it says a lot about how shady you and your friends are. But I'm willing to look past all of that to help you see the signs.
Sign #1. If you do one of those "one night stands" with one of your friends, and you wake up to find money on your dresser. Your little friend probably thinks your a hooker.

What should you do?- I think it would be rude NOT to take the money.

Sign #2. If the subject of prostitution comes up in conversation and your friends keep replacing whore, hooker, bimbo, ho, and skank with more gentle nouns, like escort or street professional. Then they give you some encouraging or reassuring look or maybe a gentle pat on the back. They think you're a dirty little prostitute.

What should you do?- Just talk about prostitutes in the most condescending way possible. This will help convince your friends that you are not one of those people. Boom! You and your little dirty prostitute body just fooled those idiots. Find smarter friends.